Justice Notes: Origins of A Memoir Part II
A White-Collar Journal forum for criminal justice, lived experience, and the personal search for redemption
Last week I wrote about the origins of my memoir—how the project came into being and why I felt compelled to write it. But another question lingered throughout the process: Why tell the story at all?
After a guilty plea, a public sentencing, and imprisonment, wasn’t the account already complete? This draft, written as a possible preface to the manuscript, wrestles with that question.
PREFACE
Writing a confessional memoir is always a challenge. Considered a pejorative, something for knaves and weak hearts, it’s a daunting task, especially describing a criminal biography. Despite entering a guilty plea, admitting all wrongdoing, and a high-profile public airing of my fall from grace, the retelling, depicting in detail all the events that transpired, was a painful enterprise, almost worse than the experience itself. All those dirty little secrets come to light, like the naked bathers at low tide. I have been so fortunate to have so many continue to support me despite my inexcusable behavior. People who will continue to be burdened by my criminal legacy.
I’ve deliberated during these many months while writing this whether this cautionary tale is worthwhile, because it will impact all of them again, especially my wife, children, and other family members. What purpose would be served by a public rehashing of the events that so disrupted their lives and that continue to impact them? But they have encouraged me to do so, not to offer a defensive alternative narrative─none is justified─but to honestly chronicle the events because it is noble to do so. Redemption can only take place after complete and honest accountability. And by doing so, achieve a measure of redemption for both of us, because they need it as much as I do, having been smeared along with me. Such is the tragedy of criminality. It has long legs.
Justice Notes is an ongoing series examining incarceration, rehabilitation, storytelling, institutional power, and the lives that exist behind prison walls.
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