Notes from Exile: God
Log/Verse: daily reflections from prison, written every morning at my bunk. Part poem, part log book.
Prison has a way of turning conversations toward ultimate questions. God. Justice. Redemption. Fate. Men who had never prayed found themselves praying. Others who had always believed discovered that belief had become more complicated.
I wasn’t searching for certainty so much as understanding. During my time at the camp I copied passages into my journal that seemed to articulate questions I couldn’t yet answer. This was one of them. It has remained with me ever since.
“I had always gone about my days with the assumption of some unseen but dimly legible order beneath the bright clatter of Creation. In leaving the theism of my Muslim childhood behind, I never did entirely abandon it’s deepest underlying logic. I didn’t know if there was anything like a God. I didn’t care. But it was mostly clear to me we were not just castaways in some tohubohu bearing an ensign of meaning only for those desperate enough to concoct one: I felt mostly certain more was going on than met the eye-despite not having a real clue just what “more” might entail. My assuredness on these matters owed less to faith than it did to experience, for I’d been hearing echoes of the uncanny since early childhood.”
Ayad Akhtar
I never did figure it our for myself. It seemed to me that in prison, the only true God was freedom.
If this piece resonated with you, consider sharing it or leaving a comment. To support this work and help spread awareness about justice reform for white-collar defendants, subscribe to White-Collar Journal and stay connected. John DiMenna is a member of the White Collar Support Group.
To leave a comment, Substack may ask you to verify your email address (a one-time step to prevent spam). You don’t need to subscribe or create an account. Just check your inbox for a one-time link.