Prison Camp: Daily Life
A White-Collar Journal forum for criminal justice, lived experience, and the personal search for redemption
More excerpts from Becoming an Inmate, my account of daily life inside a federal prison camp.
Appeals:
Seemed like everyone had one going. Numbers thrown around from the legal code: 2255, 2353 C or B, can’t remember, direct appeal, letters to the Warden, Compassionate Release, special consideration and many others. But there were plenty of guys who gave up. You could tell those. They were bitter, like my friend Smitty, seventy-five years old, eight years down and two more to go. It was best not to talk to him about your own efforts. He’d take your head off. “The system’s corrupt,” he said. Many inmates had spent years on the computer that housed the legal library. There were always guys on that computer from morning until the final Count. None of it successful. I was no better. It took a hundred-year pandemic to make a difference. Inmates calculate their release dates down to the hour. When there was a rumor about the prison reform bill (there’s always a rumor about prison reform), it was mostly bullshit that would have guys out in weeks. But this time, it seemed real. Guys spent hours recalculating their release, arguing with other inmates. “You have to deduct the good time first, ass hole…” The fuck you do, douche bag…. ” “Yes, you do…and then you deduct the period of home confinement and then…. ” “Your fucking crazy. You’ll be out tomorrow with that shit…” “Heh, I spoke to Levine….” “Levine???...that asshole…” “Heh, he’s a fucking lawyer…” “Lawyer, my ass. If I listened to him, Id’ve been out two years ago…” “Heh, believe what you want. I know what fuckin time it is…” Yeah, time to get real….”
And by the time the bill was passed, there were so many caveats nobody knew what was in it, and after a while, all the talk just petered out and the old gloom set in. Making it worse were the guys after who touted their misgivings all along. “I told you it was bull shit. I never bought into that crap…no one gets out before their time…” And it was Christmas time too. It seemed especially cruel.
Sleep:
Being cold is the norm here. But the Spanish guys sleep without shirts and start wars over the opening and closing of windows. The Black guys’ side sometimes with the Spanish guys but sometimes with the old White guys who are always cold like me who have to meekly parse our discomfort with the fear of reprisals. So, we just keep piling on the layers, which are never enough and only enhance the atmospheric gloom. The change of seasons and the summer warmth can’t come soon enough. But when it does, the Spanish guys start the fan wars and the Black guy’s side with the Spanish guys who eventually fight with the White guys because everyone wants the fans, which were sitting idly like sculptures all winter pointing upwards and motionless. But now, inmates stand on chairs and dare each other to alter the path of the fans. The change of seasons and the end of summer can’t come soon enough.
Visitors:
Some guys had them every weekend. Some guys never. I was somewhat in between. My wife and family weren’t nearby. Their visits rare. My grandchildren visited me once. Still up in the air on that one. My brother and nephew lived an hour away and visited me regularly. It was nice when I had them. Almost better when I didn’t.
Religion:
God is not dead here. Not yet anyway. But more ritual than doctrine. Always a scramble for special meal signups and attendance at service. Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists and one Hindu. No crossover or real engagement. There were some real epiphanies. My friend Steve was one. But a rare bird. Seemed more function than fire. And at the end of the day, only one God standing, Freedom.
Back Home:
The worst part of prison. You leave everyone unmoored. You can’t help. If you try, you make it worse. I made it worse. So much trouble I left behind. My greatest crime. I dreaded every phone call home: wife, children, family, friends. I had no answers.
If this piece resonated with you, consider sharing it or leaving a comment. To support this work and help spread awareness about justice reform for white-collar defendants, subscribe to White-Collar Journal and stay connected. John DiMenna is a member of the White Collar Support Group.
Up Next on White Collar Journal:
Wednesday (Justice Notes): Criminal Justice Reform
Thursday (Notes from Exisle): Log/Verse: Daily, fragmented reflections
Sunday (Prison Camp): More Stories from prison
If you’re new to White-Collar Journal, you can read earlier chapters and essays on incarceration, justice, and reentry at whitecollarjournal.com.
Thank you for reading White-Collar Journal. Subscribing is free, and I hope you’ll continue with me as I explore stories of incarceration, justice, and redemption.
If this piece resonated with you, consider sharing it or leaving a comment. To support this work and help spread awareness about justice reform for white-collar defendants, subscribe to White-Collar Journal and stay connected. John DiMenna is a member of the White Collar Support Group.
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