Prison Camp: Sam
A White-Collar Journal forum for criminal justice, lived experience, and the personal search for redemption
There’s a lot of time in prison to think. More than you ever had on the outside, and far more than you might want. And what fills that time isn’t always strategy or plans for what’s next. More often, it’s the regrets and failures that sit there, unresolved, asking nothing more than to be acknowledged. This is one of those.
SAM
Sam, a brilliant guy, was hidden behind a whimsical, sunny personality that belied his brilliance and fierce determination. He enjoyed my simplistic financial overviews, and I think, to some extent, was seduced by them due to my success, but, in reality, they were, as he probably surmised, evidence of the happenstance rather than the substance of my rise.
When I read his offerings—complex and detailed algorithms—I realized the inadequacy of my own efforts and the real lack of understanding of the business. Sam had been able to create real equity through good and bad economies because he was truly grounded in the business of real estate and all its financial complexities.
To think that I was able to secure his respect is a testament to the dynamics that were driving me forward to the delusional belief in my business plans.
At the end of my run, our collaboration ended in disaster, precipitated by a horrific and inexcusable betrayal on my part that still haunts me.
He had become a friend.
Wonderful early breakfasts, lots of laughter, personal intimacies shared, and warm attachments. All blown up after my outing.
The kinds of sins that linger.
I really loved the guy.
You just don’t get over those.
If this piece resonated with you, consider sharing it or leaving a comment. To support this work and help spread awareness about justice reform for white-collar defendants, subscribe to White-Collar Journal and stay connected. John DiMenna is a member of the White Collar Support Group.
Up Next on White Collar Journal:
Wednesday (Justice Notes): Criminal Justice Reform
Thursday (Notes from Exisle): Log/Verse: Daily, fragmented reflections
Sunday (Prison Camp): More Stories from prison
If you’re new to White-Collar Journal, you can read earlier chapters and essays on incarceration, justice, and reentry at whitecollarjournal.com.
Thank you for reading White-Collar Journal. Subscribing is free, and I hope you’ll continue with me as I explore stories of incarceration, justice, and redemption.
If this piece resonated with you, consider sharing it or leaving a comment. To support this work and help spread awareness about justice reform for white-collar defendants, subscribe to White-Collar Journal and stay connected. John DiMenna is a member of the White Collar Support Group.
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Beautifully written, painfully honest, heartfelt lament for the loss of a relationship with a dear friend.